My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
