If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize