I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ttyl tear gas
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Randomize
