Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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