I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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