I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
