Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
