That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
