Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
