hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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