guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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