Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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