you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How's work?
Spinning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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