So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
