i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
