that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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