That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
