what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
