we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
