you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
