Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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