Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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