Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
