it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
