woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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