Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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