Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
