you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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