He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
