Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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