I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
