i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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