I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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