Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
