Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
