we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
