Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
