I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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