Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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