i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
