I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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