I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my being single is dangerous.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
