just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
