woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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