____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
