I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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