pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
