And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
