She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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