he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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