so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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