i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
