Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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