I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize