"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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