if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
