there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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