smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
