When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sober January is a disaster.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
