i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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