I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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