He felt like a one man threesome
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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