Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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