I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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