I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
