the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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