Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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