Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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