Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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