When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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