you turned your livingroom into a bong?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
