I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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