I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
