I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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