it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Be still, my beating vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
